Today I will be talking about something that is very dear to my heart: long distance relationships.
I met my boyfriend in the start of my high school years in Canada but because my family had to move back to Angola, we decided to embark on a long distance relationship. At the time that we made this decision, it just seemed to make sense but now looking back at it, I would have appreciated some words of wisdom to go along with the decision.
Also, I have noticed that long distance relationships have become pretty normal, as I have spoken to many couples and many have had to deal with it in some way or another. I will be honest that it is not easy, but in my case it actually was the best thing that happened.
I can attest that a long distance relationship allowed me to focus on myself rather than on dating or boys in general. When you have certainty in your relationship it is definitely much easier and I will touch on that later. Because I did not have to focus on boy drama, I did very well during my last year of high school and was able to be more social since I never really lived in Angola. I met amazing people that to this day I am fortunate to call friends.Of course I can’t be unfair since this was in part my mother’s doing since she did not want me to focus so much on someone that was far away.
Lastly, the best part of long distance relationships is that it is a great time to get to know someone. Since all you can do is talk, it is a great opportunity to get to know them. To this day I know so many random stories about my boyfriend because he told me in one of those long phone calls!
Another thing that I want to point out is that some of the advice I will be giving you can be used for any relationship, that includes a friendship or even with your family if you are living abroad. Some of the things that I will mention below I do it with my family now since I am living in Canada and they are not.
So here we go:
There’s a reason trust is the first on the list. Trust is earned not given, so this is something that both people have to have in mind. If there are any previous issues in the relationship, they will be magnified when you don’t know where someone is. So make sure to deal with things prior to getting into a long distance relationship. Otherwise I’d advise to be on the same page about how you will be dealing with those issues.
Be selfish – focus on yourself
As I mentioned before long distance relationships are a great time to get to know yourself. Since time isn’t spent on dates and that at times, depending on the circumstance, you may only talk to your boyfriend for an hour a day. This is also true if you are living away from your parents or have moved away from friends. As humans sometimes we get so comfortable in surrounding ourselves with people with the same views as us, and loneliness or just being away is a great chance to expand your horizons.
Live in the moment
This sort of relates to the last point and is something I am trying to work on. Because I live so far from my family (6 hour difference at times), I feel like I am missing out and try to make up for it by going over long group messages trying to be part of everything. This can also be true with couples when you spend a lot of time talking about what each other did so you can feel as if you were there and neglecting what you are doing yourself. You have to realize that you are in different places and certain things are too insignificant to take over your mind.
Find imaginative ways to stay close
I feel as though things are so much easier nowadays when it comes to communicating. But you can always go steps further: I have scheduled movie times with my sisters or watch youtube videos at the same time, pausing every time someone has a comment (it always ends up being me since I loooooove talking through shows haha). Another thing to try is to pick up an activity and each do it and have conversations comparing your experiences. The possibilities are endless.
Set a deadline
I think the easiest way to survive a long distance relationship is to have a deadline in mind. Knowing that you will return to your family/friends/boyfriend once you finish school is also motivation to do better (in school for example). Even more, having an end goal in common even gives you something to talk about and look forward to together.
These are some of the tips I have for you. Do you think I forgot to mention one? What do you think about long distance relationships in general? Let us know, tag us on instagram at di.elle.ci or twitter @dielleci, and while you’re there, don’t forget to follow us. Also, don’t forget to visit our Facebook page at DiElleCi.