Hello our beautiful readers!
I think everyone saw that meme that was going around on Facebook of the forever alone guy; although it was funny, for some of us it was too relatable. When you put it in those words the magnitude of the situation can be bittersweet.
On a date like today’s, single girls may feel as if it is an alarm clock reminding them that they are still single, a status that should be celebrated since it is a time to get to know yourself. However for some of us, that have been rocking this status for far too long (in our eyes) this also may stir some impatience or even anxiety that we will be “forever alone”. As usual during times like this, us single girls spend more time dwelling rather than doing something about it.
When my sisters and I decided to write on this platform, our main motivation was being able to discuss sensitive topics as we wished someone discussed with us when we were going through them. One of my biggest issues (if not the biggest at the time) of my teen years was my romantic status.
Before I begin, I think it’s only fair to give you a bit of my story.
All through my teen years I did not have a boyfriend. Although I started to look at boys differently at around 13-14, my quest turned to impatience at around 16 when virtually every human possible (at least it felt like) had at least a track record. By the end of high school (graduated at 18) I started wondering if bluntly there was something wrong with me and probably my family was just being nice about it.
It was only when I went to university that I finally “let go” of my previous status, so now finally I’m an after story.
So I reckon I can probably give you guys the best insight and advice that you can get for free (lol) for any of you that just are being impatient on your status and want to see a change:
- Is there something wrong with me?
- Yes, now move on: The first move that people do in our situation is ask that honest parent/sibling/friend what is wrong with us and then when they tell you we focus all our time in fixing that. Then, when fixed (or thought to be fixed) and nothing happens we get frustrated with ourselves/ the person who advised you/ God/ advice column or all of the above. This can easily turn into a vicious cycle since you try to find out another flaw that you may have that is the culprit of your fate (or go down the long list your honest advisor gave you lol) and get frustrated again and again. The simple fact is that we are all human and in that package that includes flaws, so it’s not fair or even healthy that you should dissect your flaws in order to find someone. It is amazing to try and better yourself every step of your life but remembering that bettering yourself also means learning to accept that you are not 100% perfect.
- Put yourself out there
- one of the best advice I ever got was a joke my mum once said. She said that unless you want to date a burglar you need to leave the house! This was very convenient for me when I went to university but I struggled a lot during high school where I didn’t have the same level of freedom. The key is to fully grasp what my mum meant, its not that I have to be out in the club but is in the small things like: hanging out with that friend that has loads of friends, joining a society, being active in your church, actually smile back when guys smile at you and say more yes than no when guys approach you (save the no’s for the creeps, but for guys that you friendzone or are just not your type, give them a chance you might change your mind or he will be what leads you to someone, like a hot brother lol)
- If you want different results don’t use the same tactics
- This is kind of the junction of the first two tips, but I really wanted to press on this. This is probably the root of most of my frustration; I had one plan (sit around shyly until my prince came lol) and was expecting to yield different results. So do different things, hang out with different people, go to different locations or simply just change your mindset to a more positive one, you don’t know the power of a positive aura, which people (bae included) sense it
- The first move is the only cringe-worthy one
- one of my biggest assets (lol) is my tolerance to pain and what makes me go through a full wax session like a boss is how I tell myself that the pain I feel will not only eventually pass but I will forget how it felt right when it finishes. So all I have to do is endure it with the knowledge that it will go away and be forgotten. I know most of you in my situation are shy as well, so that first step of saying yes or hi is one of the scariest (painful?) things you may do in your life. But trust me (from experience) after you say it that’s it, you will forget how your palms were sweating or how your mouth felt dry, all you will remember from that is the outcome of your move. So don’t worry!!
- It’s a two way street
- attraction is a two way street, don’t think because you changed your mindset the guy you like will magically like you- and this is not bad at all because usually (specially in our teens) we don’t actually know what/who is best for us. So fight the frustration, the plan is still working just keep the positivity going and keep on saying yes! (Minus the creeps)
- What is meant to be, is
- the last thing I will like to leave you with is the fact that the reason you are in this situation is because you should. Maybe you would have gone in a bad direction or met someone horrible if you had started earlier than it was meant to be. What is meant to be is, so embrace it <3Hopefully this helped you in a sense, since the variation of these tips in the form of late night convos with my sisters and ferocious advice blogging helped me. Hopefully then instead of going the conventional way of just dwelling on it you understand that if you feel like you want to, things should change and most importantly they can (even if its not at the exact time you thought they would, like in my case)
So tell me guys in the comments a piece of advice you have gotten that made you switch gears about putting yourself out there.